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What type of Pickleball player are you?
And off we go...
Thank you for being one of the very first subscribers and welcome to the very first issue of The Rally!
I started this newsletter because having had the PB bug for some time now, I’ve found that the majority of Pickleball content online is either centered around the U.S., takes itself reeeeeally seriously, or both.
So I’ll send this newsletter on a regular basis in the hope that it brings some lighthearted and humble joy to your inbox as we all try to navigate how to get better at this insanely addictive sport.
Thanks again for your support, you’re literally one of fewer than 100 subscribers at this point. I’m excited to see where together this road will take us. Best of luck on the courts!
In this week’s issue:
🧑🤝🧑 Which type of player are you? The five archetypes of Pickleball players
↔️ An epic rally from the PPA Ladies’ Doubles for Rally Of The Week
🏋️ How many calories can you actually burn during a match?
🏓 There’s a very good chance you’ve been holding your paddle wrong!
🎄 The best 5 paddles for Christmas Morning
Which player type are you?
We all know someone who fits each of these archetypes. And if there’s one where you don’t… well, chances are it’s you!
1. The Banger
Catchphrase: “Smash first, think later.”
The Banger plays like they’ve got something to prove. There’s no drop shot, no soft dink—just relentless, full-throttle smashes. Every rally feels like they’re trying to recreate the Wimbledon final, except this isn’t Centre Court, it’s a slightly dodgy community centre gym, and they’ve just put the ball through the back fence.
The Banger’s strategy is simple: hit it as hard as humanly possible and hope for the best. Occasionally, it works, and they’ll strut around like they’ve cracked the code to pickleball greatness. Most of the time, though, they’re retrieving balls from the car park.
Are you the Banger? If you’ve ever shouted, “It’s a power game!” while your opponent calmly dinks you into oblivion, it’s you.
2. The Apologiser
Catchphrase: “So sorry… Did the net move?”
The Apologiser is that player who seems to think they’re ruining everyone’s day, even when they’re not. Miss a serve? “Sorry!” Hit the ball into the net? “Sorry!” Opponent trips over their own feet? “Sorry, that was probably my fault!”
Playing with them is like partnering with a nervous wreck who also happens to be hilariously polite. Let them know they haven’t quite ruined your day… there is always the next point!
Are you the Apologiser? If you say “sorry” so often your partner starts reassuring you, then yeah, it’s probably you.
3. The Faller
Catchphrase: “I’m fine, I’ll just use the other ankle.”
Every game, without fail, The Faller ends up on the floor. They’re all in—chasing every ball like it’s the final point of the match. Whether it’s a spectacular dive or a comedy stumble, they hit the deck more times than Bambi on ice.
Of course, The Faller will insist they’re fine, even when they’ve clearly turned their knee into a science experiment. “Don’t worry about me,” they’ll say, while limping back to their spot, probably plotting their next tumble.
Are you The Faller? Check your knees. If they look like they’ve been through a war zone, you’ve found your answer.
4. The Good Timer
Catchphrase: “Anyone for a pint after this?”
The Good Timer didn’t come here to win; they came here for a laugh. They’re all about the social side of pickleball—making jokes, chatting mid-rally, and possibly cracking open a tin at the sidelines. Competitive spirit? Absolutely none. But they’re the glue holding the game together.
Their shots might be questionable, their serves inconsistent, but they’re the first to cheer when you hit a decent winner. And when the game’s done, they’ll be leading the charge to the pub, pint in hand, life in full flow.
Are you The Good Timer? If you’re more excited about post-match banter than the actual game, then you already know.
The Hangover
Catchphrase: “What time is it again?”
Closely related to The Good Timer, this player stumbled onto the court this morning, still regretting last night’s ‘one more drink’ decision. The Hangover is a walking public service announcement for hydration and moderation, but they soldier on, fuelled by coffee and blind optimism.
Their serves are shaky, their footwork nonexistent, and their brain is still two hours behind the rest of us. But, somehow, they get by—probably because everyone else is too busy laughing at their heroic effort.
Are you The Hangover? Ever turned up late in sunglasses and full of paracetamol? Yeh it’s probably you.
—
Which one are you? And more importantly, who did we miss??
How many calories can you burn playing Pickleball?
Come on, we’ve all thought it. Is it a legit way to lose weight (before putting it back on with the post-match pint but we don’t mention that do we!)?
The good news is that Pickleball isn’t just a fun way to pass the time; it’s also a surprisingly effective workout. Whether you’re having a casual knock or sweating through a competitive match, this sport can help you burn more calories than you might expect. According to the Professional Pickleball Association, a moderately intense game can burn about 350 to 450 calories per hour.
Push the pace with quicker rallies, more movement, or singles play, and you could hit as much as 600 calories in an hour! That puts Pickleball in the same league as jogging or swimming when it comes to calorie-burning potential.
Of course, how many calories you burn depends on a few factors…
The intensity of the game is key—a laid-back match won’t burn nearly as much as a fast, competitive one.
Skill level matters too; beginners might move less as they learn, while experienced players tend to rack up more steps and faster-paced rallies.
Distance covered is a core factor as you might guess - Singles games require more effort since you’re covering the entire court on your own, while doubles let you share the workload. Although please don’t take this as your excuse to hog the court!
Even your body type plays a role, as heavier people burn more calories due to the extra energy needed to move, and those with more muscle naturally burn more, even at rest.
All above considered, beyond the calorie burn, Pickleball is actually effective as a full-body workout. You’re using your arms to swing, your legs to sprint and pivot, and your core to keep balanced. It’s a sneaky way to improve cardio endurance, coordination, and muscle strength—especially in your legs and core—all while having fun.
At its core, Pickleball is more than just a game—it’s a fitness powerhouse in disguise. On average, you can expect to burn 350 to 600 calories an hour, depending on how hard you play. So next time you pick up your paddle, remember you’re not just having fun—you’re also getting a good workout!
The 5 Best Pickleball Paddles for Christmas Gifts (UK Edition!)
If you’re shopping for a pickleball enthusiast this Christmas, a new paddle could be the ultimate gift. Whether they’re a beginner or a seasoned player, there’s a paddle for every skill level and budget. Here are five top picks for pickleball paddles, ranging from affordable to premium options—and all are conveniently available on Amazon.
1. Onix Z5 Graphite Paddle
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2. Selkirk SLK Neo Paddle
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3. Niupipo MX-06 Carbon Fiber Paddle
This USAPA-approved paddle features a carbon fiber surface and a honeycomb core, which work together to provide precision and power. Its ergonomic grip ensures comfort during long matches, making it a great mid-range option. |  |
4. JOOLA Ben Johns Hyperion CFS Paddle
This signature paddle from world champion Ben Johns is built for the pros. The carbon-forged handle and textured surface enhance spin and power, while the advanced foam-injected edge guard reduces vibration. It’s a top-tier option for the most dedicated players. |  |
5. Rally Tyro 2 Pro Paddle
The Rally Tyro 2 Pro is a solid choice for those on a tighter budget. It’s made with a durable composite core and a wide face, making it forgiving for beginners while still holding up to consistent play. |  |
That’s all for this issue. If there was anything you liked, or violently object to, please do let us know.
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Thanks again for your support.
Until next time!
The Rally